A Friend Loves at All Times..

I got to experience how much 2 of my dearest friends love me the other day when I experienced a little emotional breakdown.  I had a terrible morning with Olivia because I was trying to multi-task too much and got frustrated at her for not staying on task.  Kinda ridiculous really!  I don't know what caused me to explode on her, maybe the uncertainty of the last 4 months, or turning another year older, or just because I am still a broken person who desperately needs to be gently reminded of God's unending love for me.   


What I do know is that all of us as mothers have days we say and do things we wish we could take back.  We all are trying to love our little ones the best we can, and yet we aren't perfect.  After I yelled at Liv, I realized just how much I really needed a mommy "time out" so I drove very fast over to my friend Katie's house.  Thankfully, Barry is working at home and I was able to escape for a moment (though i failed to mention to him that I was leaving :))  When I got to her house she greeted me with a hug which sent me in to flooding her foyer with tears!  I tried to express to her the best I could that I felt so hopeless in my ability to love my children.  I felt beaten down and like I'm not getting any better at holding my tongue, showing kindness and gentleness to my dear ones.  I felt ashamed as I confessed the words I used to hurt my precious daughter.  Katie's response to me was so loving, she reminded me that the guilt and shame I was feeling was not what God wants me to feel, instead it's in times like that He wants us to draw nearer to Him and rely on His love to change us.  


Later when my friend Ali came by I was still feeling pretty yucky about my response to Olivia.  She and I spent a long time talking about our struggles as mothers.  I realized we all have areas that need work in how we relate to our kids, and it helped to hear what she is going through with her girls.  I am so thankful for these dear friends and their love for me, they are so wise and willing to be real with me about their own struggles.


I have been listening to this song to remind me that I am a "Change in the Making".  I have hope that even though I may feel like I am not changing, that is NOT true!  I am NOT the same person today that I was yesterday.  I love these lyrics... 

And this is redemptions story

With every step that I'm taking

And every day, 

You're chipping away

What I dont need

This is me under construction

This is my pride being broken 

Every day Im closer to who Im meant to be

Katie & Me

Me & Ali

Have hope dear friends that Our Father in Heaven desires to move into your darkest moments, to love you where you're at, and gently mold you into the person you long to be.   Also, be willing to take a risk with your closest friends and be real about the struggles you're having.  You'll be surprised to find out they are having struggles too.           

"A Friend LOVES At All Times" Psalms 17:17  

A Tribute...

This week I was reminded that God has reasons for keeping us here a little longer than we anticipated.  My last Grandparent died this week, Garland Bryant Murray.  To say he was a great man wouldn't begin to describe how wonderful he was.  He lived his life to the fullest and left a legacy I am proud to be a part of.  I can remember the tenderness he had when taking care of my grandmother who had Parkinson's Disease for 10plus years.  He would look at her with loving eyes and remind us all how she was his beautiful bride.  I have no doubt he was a man who looked to the Lord for guidance and strength and I am so thankful to have called him "Danan".  I will miss his humor, his stories, and the peacefulness of his spirit, but I know he is celebrating with the Father now.

Waiting.....

Our family is on a journey to spend a year in Hawaii and we are trusting in God's provision along the way. This blog will be the story of the great adventure He is leading us on.  The past 3 months have been all about waiting, preparing, more waiting, spending time with loved ones, more waiting, preparing, waiting, you get the idea. :)  A great friend of mine was talking with her daughter about our families move and she said, "Mommy, it feels like the Cutshalls are moving to Hawaii in slow motion."  That is exactly what it feels like we are doing!  However, along the way we have realized what a blessed life we have.  This season of waiting has given us a chance to slow down and have many memorable moments with people we love.  Barry has been working from  home since January.  It's been wonderful to have him around for lunch breaks, tickle breaks, or just to have another adult to talk with!  We still don't have an "official" move date, but we see things are moving.  Barry spends most of his work time looking over Hawaii solar contracts and communicating with HI. co-workers about his new role and responsibilities.   We feel like the move will happen near the beginning of April, but I'll keep ya posted.  Thanks for your support and prayers during this crazy season of our lives!

Psalm 5:3 Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

Psalm 62:5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,for my hope is in him.

Isaiah 40:31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 30:15  In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength!" 

Love, Steph